OMG ? it can’t be possible!!!Staring at my screen,
Digesting all the sweet memories everyone is sharing on his page,
Looking at his best pictures on my timeline and the captivating messages from people knowing today isn’t his birthday,
I remember my last words to him
‘I hope I never get to hear from you in my life again’ ?
Now what we argued about seemed so trivial
My eyes blurred and I didn’t know when I broke down and started sobbing?
This hurt more than the last time I misplaced my phone which meant so much to me
Now I realized I wouldn’t have said those words.
Scrolling down and looking at the comments,
I realized he had been so sick.
I remembered when he told me that I’m the only person that ever got to listen to him without judging him.
He was alone and dying,
I didn’t even realize it
Was my pride that big?
I wish I could call him for just a few seconds and take those hurtful words back,
I wish I could hug him and reassure him everything was going to be fine.
I told him I wasn’t ever going to forgive him.
Now is forgiveness that expensive that it can’t be given freely
Going through our chats and reading it all over again,
I knew my words caused anguish
I shouldn’t have said all those words.
How was I ever going to live with this guilt?
I cried into my pillow.
He was in pains and he tried talking to me,
I wanted to stick to my words and still hold a grudge.
He used to be my friend
I used to admire him.
He lied to me and I reacted in the most unreasonable way ever.
I should have practiced what I preached as a Christian
I got a pen and a sheet and wrote down all the people I don’t talk to anymore.
It didn’t matter if they were from my kindergarten or my colleagues in the office.
I got their contacts,
I called each of them,
Slowly, I realized part of me missed our conversations.
All the good memories flooded my mind
I kept them away with resentment,
Right now it didn’t matter if I was the one giving the apology or accepting it
Hate seeped my soul
My anger consumed me
His death opened my eyes to a lot of flaws I had
I was shivering
If I send him a message will he get to see it,
That part of me never stopped caring? ❤️
How will I tell him I won’t mind if he cried on my shoulders?
You’ve been unkind to that person that works for you and you don’t know his/her story
You’ve been so rude to your colleague/classmate that was just trying to be friendly
You’ve said a lot of nasty things about your friends, ex, etc. What about the good times?
You’ve made up your mind not to forgive that little offence because you felt hurt
What if you wake up tomorrow and the person is no more, will you be able to live with that guilt that you could have been nicer or done something in a different way?
Be kind to people both those you know and the ones you don’t. Our words and actions go a long way.