Me B4 U

I’ve hit writer’s block again.
But this time, there’s a reason.

I met someone like it was the first time,
yet I’ve always known him.
He’s always been in my corner,
celebrating my little wins, standing by me in my lowest moments.
I shared bits of myself with him without even realizing he was there all along.

Now, my thoughts are filled with him.
I can’t think of anything else.

How do I protect him from myself without hurting us?
How do I bury my deepest fears and embrace this happiness,
even if it might be fleeting?

Suddenly, I feel alive.
I never want this to end.
But the things I’ve loved, the ones I’ve held dear,
always seem to slip through my fingers.
The things I wanted most left me wishing I never had them.

So, I try to pretend.
Pretend he’s not the best thing in my life right now.
Pretend I don’t need this so much.
Pretend I don’t need him so much.
But I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care.
Because if I pretend, maybe I can still keep him.
Maybe I can hold onto my pride.
Maybe I can protect what we share.

He’s been here all along,
but I’m just now truly seeing him.
I used to think I was depressed,
but maybe I just lacked a depth of happiness
I didn’t even know I needed—until a week ago.
Now, there’s this new, girlish glow.

This is fast, yet it feels like a lifetime.
There are so many firsts, even though it feels like my last.
I’ve said the unspoken words.
I’ve felt my heart race in ways I can’t control.
I’ve panicked—because this could be the last piece
of my already shattered heart that I’m gambling with.

I go through my day with the songs he sent playing on repeat.
I started a reading challenge,
but I didn’t realize I’d trade books for WhatsApp messages.
I can’t stop talking about him.

Sometimes, I wonder if the supernatural is playing tricks on my emotions,
only to run away.
But this time, it will hurt.
This time, I’ll break.
Not just because I care.
But because I’ve fallen in love.

Hard.