An Excerpt From My Journal

I’ve had several embarrassing moments. I had to go through my journal to take the one that’s more recent, annoying and funny. 
There was this guy in my French School then, his name was Andre (he had “strong ties with the people of France??,” that’s why he had a French name). We weren’t close in my first two sessions. We only spoke when we got paired for conversations. I just knew there was something strange about him I couldn’t figure out. I kept telling him he was weird and it almost turned into a fight because he was loved by all, willing to assist people anyway he could, to most people he was just a humble foreigner trying to adjust into the system. Me what’s my own??‍♀️, our conversation ended at Salut! and you’re weird. Three months later he was asking me if I’m into fashion designing because of my outfits. I was like “Yh but I’m not so good.” He said that was so cool and pleaded if he could see some of my designs and sketches. That was how we exchanged whatsapp numbers. 

The next day in class he’s talking about D&G. Having friends in Paris and New York that can promote my designs. I told him I wasn’t interested that I love being simple and all. He kept pestering me about it. He even asked the “supposed friends to message me.”

We became good friends?. He explained some lessons I didn’t understand. We sat close to each other in class and indulged in chit-chat. The directrice asked us to form a dance club and it was headed by both of us (don’t ask me. I know I can’t dance?), Despacito was the order of the month. We were also writing the DELF exams, we prepared together and had a lot to talk about. When I didn’t get through my SHELL interview, he was there to tell me sorry. It was almost like I knew him from a different life. 

At a point my interests became his. He started sending me poems everyday but I didn’t read any meaning into them because I felt we could connect as writers. My favorite music became his, my best food was what he claimed to be preparing. We shared the same love for horror movies. My life was almost his. I wanted to write the DELF A2 and he switched from A1 to A2. It got to the point where I was ill and he claimed he had the same ailment. Please don’t confuse this for a love story. 

It was obvious there was something going on. Everyone kept on asking me about him, some people were even grudging about the friendship. He never told me directly he liked me though I heard it from every other person even my teacher was like “Andre I know you’ll come next session if Aniekan will come.” During our exams I checked his date of birth and I saw 1999. I’m like “Ahan what is this life” ??‍♀️. I asked him about it, he got really mad and claimed he couldn’t be 17 and hold two degrees. I said no more. Actually it made me more curious because my instincts refused to be deceived. 

I came for the next session, after class he said he had things to tell me specially. The next thing I saw was someone kneeling down and proposing. It sounds like a joke but it was serious. He kept insisting he was 25, said the normal “you’re the first girl I noticed when I came to Nigeria…….” plenty talks . He wanted us to jand (go to the US) immediately. He suggested we could do court wedding right away so I’ll see how serious he was. I was like “is that how you people are mad outside the country?” He even accused some of my friends of chasing after him but we are soulmates and he had to go for me. I was quite irritated. In my head only my child would act like he did so I had to go on my Private Investigtor mood. I started with IG but couldn’t find any reasonable thing. Stalked on FB, yessss everything was out. This guy just graduated from high school. Even the NewYork and Paris he lives in and schooled respectively were all lies. He formed the imaginary friends and he was four in one, it could be Multiple Personality Disorder but I couldn’t separate Andre from Chloe, James and Maria. He was both male and female. I was shooked. He even schooled in Akwa Ibom. I was laughing at first because I part of me knew he was young. The way he dressed and all. I called him and confronted him about it, uncle lied that it was his brother even after I sent him his graduation pictures with big boots and azonto glasses?. I had to look for something about him that was real. His poems were all plagiarised. Ahhh, after feeling like I had a connection on creativity level. See me that I’ve gone through struggle life in the Uni, stayed one year in the village during my NYSC, Job hunt and Postgraduate struggle then someone that just finished writing Civic education wants to marry me. Egba mi o??‍♀️??‍♀️??‍♀️. Imagine if I had a relationship with a minor???? that’s how I’ll be jailed and next thing is child abuse. 

Whenever I see my brother his age I always imagine him proposing to my friends. Everyone that knew both of us then keeps asking about him. It’s that annoying. I’ve met a chronic liar ?