January began with me writing down my goals and New Year’s resolutions. I know—it’s cliché—but it had been so long since I last did it. On December 31st, as I prayed, I felt an overwhelming certainty that 2025 would be different. It was as if I heard a voice telling me so.
I got everything ready—new gadgets, lessons, a diet and workout plan, a Bible study plan, and a fasting and prayer schedule. And I followed through. I prayed. But just a week in, things didn’t go as I had envisioned. I got a disappointing news that got me in the verge of questioning if this was my year. I was glad my trip to Barcelona helped balance it out. My hope and faith was still intact.
Then, just days before the end of my fast, everything seemed to crash at once. A messy argument with one of my closest friends left me emotionally drained. As if that wasn’t enough, I received a rejection email—at the very last stage of an eight-stage interview process. Again? In three weeks?
I broke down. I panicked. I couldn’t bear the thought of another near-success moment slipping away. Not after I had prayed. Not when I had believed. Not when I had plans for this year. Should I stop hoping, stop trusting, and just take life as it comes—if things work out, great; if not, no expectations, no disappointments? The weight of that decision made it one of the hardest days of my life.
Just days before, I had been selected as a leader in my church. How could I encourage others when I was battling doubt? How could I lead when I was on the verge of unbelief?
That’s when it hit me—a heart for God isn’t about the prayers, the good or bad times, or whether our plans come to pass. It’s about choosing to remain present for Him, no matter the situation. I felt ashamed of my thoughts. All I wanted was for God to search my heart, to know that I truly desired to serve Him—even if things didn’t go my way.
I turned to devotional plans that spoke to my emotions, and little by little, the pain became more bearable. Then, at the very start of the next month, I faced something so terrifying it could have traumatized me. I spent hours asking God to reveal what was happening—how it all connected to my physical and emotional struggles. What was I meant to learn?
It was as if God had been preparing me. Even in the worst situations, He has a way of easing our hearts and our pain. He reminded me that life is bigger than the one thing we want most.
Now, I’m back on track—looking forward to the best of 2025, even if things don’t go exactly as I planned.
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