Second Chance

It wasn’t just about you
It wasn’t just about the things you did
It’s not you
It’s me
It’s about the people in my life
It’s about the constant hurt in different repeated forms
It’s about not seeing the pattern until it’s too late

I always want a forever bond with the people in my life
I make effort to always show up and be present
I make everyone and their needs my priority
It didn’t start today
Since I was a child
There’s a small girl in me still crying because I can’t put everyone’s need first above mine

Now you
I always looked forward to seeing the dp on my notification because it made me smile
I did the little things and gradually fell in love
It was tough love
We were similar yet different in a lot of ways
I found myself distracted with life because being with you was living
I wanted to do all my favorite things again with you: sleeping, painting, writing, going to the beach, eating, dining out, gifting, shopping, going on trips
Everything was as natural as breathing

Every day with you was like a minute
We grew closer and it was a turning point for us being apart
Something was different about the calls and messages
I wasn’t sure the one I had to open and explain myself over again
I wasn’t sure if it ever the right time to say how I felt or I just just observe
I knew that feeling all too well because it was still there from my past I was trying to run from

How did we get here?
Days together seems forced
Nights are felt with so much unspoken words
Hearts bleed because they’re injured
I’m awake thinking how did we get here
That little girl in me is awake again saying:
“just give in, that’s the only way to cope, block out the noise, you’ve always survived that way because you already know things and plan ahead for the worst. Give in so you can keep breathing properly”.

This isn’t to tell you I’m leaving
This is to tell you I’m ready to trust you with conditions
I’m ready to trust you to be safe
To be well and whole again
I trust you to put your guts, heart and feelings first before others
To be you without the broken you
In return,
I’ll stay and learn to love you properly as a friend